The gift I give myself

A bit of an old memory. The background is the village and surroundings of college days. The two characters are college friends, both brilliant in studies and extracurricular activities. I was close to both of them. Since they knew each other, I was also familiar with their basic nature. One is a person who always keeps a smile on his face and cheerfulness in his behaviour. I have never seen him grumbling beyond a limit if he faced any setback. The next day, he would come to us as if nothing had happened the day before. If asked about it, he will also laugh it off by saying, "That's okay, isn't it all past?"

The second friend was of exactly opposite nature. Let's say a setback or a fall happened; he would be burning in pain for even a month. If you ask him about it, his face will turn pale. It doesn't end there. He will list the reasons for it. He will explain who is responsible, the circumstances that led to it, and his own justifications. I only saw the approaches of these two friends as two different levels of human nature. The college friendship ended after a point.

Years later, I had an unexpected chance to see both of them. I met my first friend at a railway station. While talking about many things, I also mentioned his old nature of always smiling and seeing everything positively. "I am still the same as I was in my college days. I believe that everyone has a place in this world. I don't wish too much for anything. I don't have any unrealistic expectations, so there is no sense of loss at all." This was his answer. I was happy to hear that he has the same nature and attitude towards his wife and children. This life view must have been a factor that enabled him reach a high level in the government. His strength was the mind to forget and forgive everything. Even today, there is no trace of such qualities as jealousy, hatred, and revenge in him.

After many years, I met my second friend at a shopping mall. The first sight was of his arguing with the cashier at the store. The matter was that there was a difference of a few rupees between the recorded price and the price charged. It is a matter that can be resolved amicably. I followed him after the argument and tapped him on the shoulder gently. He turned around and looked at me in a way that he didn't seem to like it that much. As soon as he recognized me, his facial expression suddenly changed. He greeted me with a bright smile and said, "It's been a while, buddy." I was also happy. We talked for a while sitting in the coffee shop in the mall. I felt an inexplicable speed in his speech. He is saying everything holding his breath. Most of the stories he told were about his encounters with many people. He talked endlessly about the short-lived successes he had achieved in them and was very satisfied. With every sip of coffee, his energy was increasing. No change! I realized with a smile that I had not lost my old friend in any way.

I listened to the stories silently for fifteen minutes and then asked in a low voice, "I heard all your heroic stories. Won't the mind be full of conflict if it is always like this? Won't it affect our health and mind?" "Hey, not only do I have no conflict, but this is my happiness. This is how I announce my presence!" He said this with a firm voice. I said in a way to reduce the heat of my friend. "It may be true in this way, sometimes peace may be found. But how much mental and physical effort will be required for this?" After a short silence, he said, "Haneesh is right. What to do, I have been like this since childhood." "I know, but, let's try a small correction at least," I said. "Okay, tell me what I have to do," the friend muttered. I said, "One, smile as much as possible, two, if someone does us a favour, no matter how trivial it may be, say thank you. Three, if someone comes towards us like a giant, let's move away slowly. Nothing will happen because of it. Our journey and the journey of the giant will continue in their own ways". He agreed to try all this, and we parted.

Three months later, I got a phone call. The person on the other end was our friend: "I have been following what you said for the past three months. There have been significant changes. I am now able to sleep well, listen to music, and exercise." He hung up the phone with sincere gratitude. I slept that night with the satisfaction of being a teacher in someone's life for a while.

These two life experiences are a perfect example of how to approach and not approach crises and obstacles in life. When one tried hard, his lifestyle changed in just three months. This type of effort for change is called 'change management' in management studies. What happened here was a change in the direction of the mind. Bu it is of course easier said than done. It is as difficult as telling someone who drank tea until yesterday to drink coffee from today and to read a different newspaper instead of the one he read until yesterday. This is also a purification process like dialysis, which is done in medical science for blood purification. That change will definitely lead us to success. Moreover, we will be rewarded with a creative life full of peace and tranquillity. This attitude will free us from many wrong tendencies seen in the younger generation, especially in students. Remember, the clean-flowing river is more stable than the turbulent river. We can add the famous words of American thinker Ralph Waldo Emerson to it:

“Nobody can bring you peace but yourself…”