How to use words to cultivate better relationship?

In today's day and age, violence is something frowned upon. If we see an act of violence like someone being slapped or hit, the person performing the act of violence is often (rightly) blamed and condemned. In the age of social media, it is almost customary that pictures are immediately clicked, or even a video taken that is publicized on social media sites like Instagram or Facebook, where the comments and opinions of millions of viewers are solicited to condemn the heinous act of physical violence. The victims display the marks of the act as a testament to the ordeal they have endured, and they win sympathizers to support them through this difficult time.

How do onlookers and society react to verbal violence? And is it required to say something abusive to constitute verbal violence?

What is verbal violence? It is beyond simply using abusive language or shouting at someone. Verbal violence occurs every time you talk to someone in a way that they don't matter, that they are insignificant. Every time you talk to someone, just to make him feel bad or that he can't do anything right. When a person faces constant criticism, it is verbal violence. Why does this constitute violence? Because, though you are not inflicting the person with beatings or bodily pain, and there are no marks that are visible, you are inflicting their heart and soul with your sharp words which tell them they and what they good are not good enough that their decisions and thought process are wrong, that they are good for nothing.

Does this mean that we are not to criticize anyone or that we should constantly flatter those around us? Criticism is a very important tool which when used correctly will help someone become a better version of themselves than they already are. It is meant to support another person to improve their skills, learn new things, or see things from a different perspective. But criticism is helpful only when it is done the right way. When done correctly, it will help the other person progress and to even excel. This is possible only if you are providing the criticism from a place of care and genuine concern for the other person and without malicious intent. When done with the wrong intention or with the wrong method, it causes the person being criticized to withdraw, stop trying, and feel he is useless and should just give up without trying again in future.

These tips will help you cultivate better relationships while using words with your dear ones as well as yourself and lead more joyful lives daily:

Be genuine in your conversations with people, especially those closest to you. We often give our best behaviour to strangers and react angrily with our partners, children, parents, or siblings. They are the people who love you and make sacrifices for you. A home is a home because of the people in it. Appreciate your family and treat them with love and respect, like each of them deserve to be treated.

Be cautious about the words you use with your children-the way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. What you repeatedly tell your children today will echo as their inner voice later as adults. Consider carefully the message you are telling them. If you stop them from everything they want to do, they will feel they are never able to do anything right. If you continually dismiss their opinions today, as adults, they will lack confidence in making decisions. As a parent, our responsibility is to help our children grow into responsible, happy, productive adults who are unique in their own right. Think clearly what kind of adults you want your children to be, and make sure your communication with them reflects that objective. If children live with criticism, they grow up to criticize and condemn others. The children today are the future of our society.

A joke is not a joke if you are trying to be funny at someone else's expense. A joke is not funny if it hurts another person. When you hurt someone with your jokes, it is called bullying.

Words have tremendous power- it can make or break someone. Use your words cautiously and wisely. It is possible to convey any message without hurting the other person. If it is criticism, make sure your feedback is constructive and helpful for the other person to improve in some way. Criticism is useful only when it originates from a place of genuine care and concern for the other person, and you really want to help them. If this is not the intent, refrain from saying anything.

Before saying anything, ask yourself 3 questions-is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it helpful to the person hearing it? If your answer to the first question is no, avoid saying anything unless you are able to conclude that it is necessary and helpful to the other person.

Avoid gossip. If you are spending your time talking about other people, you are not living your own life productively enough. Learn something new or help someone instead.

Be kind… always. Not just when it is easy or when it is convenient. We never know what another person is going through. Maybe the auto driver you are riding with has a sick child; maybe the delivery guy who came with your courier is stressed about funds for his sister's wedding. Maybe the stranger on the road is unemployed and on the verge of despair. We have to remember to not be so self-absorbed with our own life that we don't take a moment to be kind to others we meet every day and especially the people who are doing us a service whether it be the domestic help or the security guard who stands outside the building all day to ensure our safety and the safety of our loved ones.

Self reflect daily. At the end of your day, think back about the happenings of the day and whether there were instances where you could have been kinder to someone with your words or actions. Self awareness is one of the most important tools in making progress. If there was an instance where you behaved in a way that was not right, make amends with the person and think about why you behaved that way. Don't be overly hard on yourself-learn the lesson and move on.

Last but not least, be kind to yourself. You deserve to be treated with kindness just as much as everyone else. Recognize your efforts and accomplishments and allow yourself to be happy with where you are, while continuing to work towards what you want. When you love yourself, you become able to love others as well. When you are kind to yourself, you empower yourself to be kind to others.

To conclude, the sword may be able to visibly cut someone, and we know how to refrain from doing that. The tongue also has powers to cut others emotionally and mentally. You have an opportunity each day and each moment to change the world; not with a sword or with wealth and power, but with just your words… starting with your partner, your children, your parents, and everyone else you meet. People will always remember how you made them feel. Know that your impact on others is bigger than you think. You have the power to change the world… with just one word at a time and one smile at a time. Start right away.